Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
