No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
