you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
