I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We just shotgunned beers for America
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
