it wasn't lemon gatorade
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
