bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
