thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
