After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
