She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
