Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
