R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
