"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
