Soap is not a condiment
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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