just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
