remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
