I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
