my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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