one might say we're banned from that church
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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