I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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