that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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