just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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