i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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