It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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