I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
