Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
