Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
