Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
