The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
