I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
