i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
