I'm going to jail i love you
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
