im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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