They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i will never coherently bang her
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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