Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
