My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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