Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
