I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
