Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
