Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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