if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
How does it feel to date your dad?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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