Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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