he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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