Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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