that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
