fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
