You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
