you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
