i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
