it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
