How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
